Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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