you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
