I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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