Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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