So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
