You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
