I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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