Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
She has the best kind of daddy issues
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
