Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
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