Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
