I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
