he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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