You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
