I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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