Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
