ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
