Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
