Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
God, you're like boner-b-gone
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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