So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
