I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
