You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He felt like a one man threesome
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
