My hair reeks of homosexuality.
You can't special order awesome
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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