My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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