Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
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I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
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I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
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