If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
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I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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