she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
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