im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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