Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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