She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
