Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
