Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
my poor anus
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