I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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