Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
You are a genius and a whore.
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