You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
