he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
