i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
