I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
