Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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