porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
