just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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