my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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