there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize