The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Randomize
