we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
i think im in europe. pls send help
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
