and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
