I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
