So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
