Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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