I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
