does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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