How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Girls should come with a carfax report
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
