My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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