I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
