chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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