Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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