we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
