please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
