when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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