does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
