you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
