sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
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If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
this is an emotional support booty call
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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