WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
