I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
