Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
