Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I got inside last night via doggy door
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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