even my farts smell like vagina
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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