i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
He passed out mid-signature
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
