i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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