Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
she told me i tasted like america
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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