i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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