do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
