So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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